I'm Not Out to Get You
I posted this on facebook September 8, 2015. It's a great reminder...
If you are struggling with grief or in the fog with a child that has a terminal illness... be gentle with yourself and try not to worry too much about what other people think. They are not walking in your shoes.
My perspective has completely changed. I fear I am now in a minority. I use to be so judgmental and not even in an obvious way.
Like yelling at the car that is in front of me that seemed confused like they weren't sure where they were going. Can't you see I'm in a hurry. I have things to do. Pull over till you figure out where you are going.
Or looking down on the woman in the grocery store that ignores her kid saying mom, mom, mom, mommy, mommy, mommy and then yells at her kid.
Or criticizing the woman who "loses it" taking it out on a complete stranger.
New perspective :
The other day I was trying to get my kids, stuff and strollers out of a cab. You have to watch your kids closely, move quickly, pay correctly and all the while people behind you are honking. The woman behind us yelled something. I was already at the end of my wits and didn't hear what she said but assumed. I yelled at her to give me a break my kid has cancer. She said I was telling you to take your time. I was completely humiliated.
I was driving yesterday in a town I have never been in. I was by myself trying to find some floatie arm bands so the girls could go swimming. I pulled out of a shopping center a little too far, looked again at GPS to make sure I was turning the right way and made a woman so angry she called a very bad name. My pause, due to stress brain, caused her a fraction of a second out of her day but clearly I haven't forgotten.
I too have been in a public place trying to get my GPS to work to figure out where I am while taking a call from the clinic about an upcoming appointment while having a texting argument with my husband all the while my kid is trying to get my attention til I just want to scream which I usually do at my kids. Then the judgemental stares come because people assume why my focus is on my phone and not my kid.
WE DO NOT KNOW where someone has been or what has happened. Maybe she's really a B#=÷× and deserves our condemnation. Just because someone doesn't do what we would how we would when we would does not mean they are wrong. Maybe they could use a kind word instead.
I feel I must add, I AM NOT PERFECT. I haven't stopped judging myself I'm just tired of all the anger and attitude and writing down my thoughts.
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