(Originally posted August 9, 2018)
I posted I was tired and that I've not had time to be still.
I am being starkly reminded that when grief and loss are our reality that we cannot avoid the work of it.
If we don't stop and meet grief head on, he will find a way to be heard.
Sometimes through health. You get sick and are forced to stop.
Sometimes through a memory or a smell so vivid, its like running into a brick wall.
I've experienced both of those but this time around i'm having dreams... nightmares.
I learned years ago in psychology class that WHAT you dream should not be the focus but how do you FEEL. Your brain and your emotions team up to create a masterpiece theater that best displays in picture what you are feeling.
In my case every morning for about a week I wake up deeply sad and sometimes scared. So I ask myself, what in my real life is causing me to feel deeply sad and scared?
Grief! It finds a way out! For me it's at night when I show down, it comes out in my dreams.
I miss Emily terribly. No matter how busy I am she's always in my thoughts. I must make time to mourn her death and loss of the future she was suppose to have. (Yes even 2 years later, grieving the loss of a child includes the grief of years of what will never be).
Be gentle with yourself.